u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
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