What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
