she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Randomize
