just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
