2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
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