i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
