I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
