Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize