She went from zero to smokin in five shots
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I have so many feelings about this burrito
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
