You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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