I puked a lego.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
