I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
