when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Randomize
