im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
