your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
