Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
