Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Randomize
