So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
