i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
