we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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