well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Randomize
