doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
