In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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