i just google imaged poop.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
