Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
