Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
