Betty ford says i'm here all night
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
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