Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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