Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
