you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
