You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
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