Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
