and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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