i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Randomize
