how can u be prego again
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Randomize
