I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
