So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Randomize
