My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Randomize
