How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
