Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
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