i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
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I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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