I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
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