You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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