they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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