I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
