my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
