And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Randomize
