Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Randomize
