can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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