If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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