If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
