I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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