i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Randomize
