so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
