i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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