The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
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