I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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