her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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