maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
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My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
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Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
be right there i have to get my cape
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
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