After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
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