Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
He's on the porch naked. Help.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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