i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
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