Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
In other news, I just burned my penis
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
