I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
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