it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
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I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
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I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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