Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
this will be a night to untag.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
