I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Say something about gay babies.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
