Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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