Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
