You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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